marleenkenA friend of mine has taken to nicknaming me “Token” so I figured that was as good a title as any I could come up with. I suppose I could have chosen “Hornswoggle” which I have also been dubbed due to my height (or lack thereof) but that’s not near as interesting. Well, not as flattering anyway. Or fitting at all! Let me explain: these two ding-dongs that I’m friends with Montie and Darrell are (very straight) roommates. So one night they’re watching wrestling (more likely Darrell was watching wrestling and Montie was making fun of him), and this guy runs out.
Montie evidently turns from mocking Darrell to say “Hey look, its Marleenken!” The next day they come into work with these ridiculous cat-that-got-the-canary grins and announce they have a new name for me. When I’m amused but appalled by this latest idiocy, Darrell tries to explain by saying something about how I should have been there so I could have seen his “little legs” and he makes this walking gesture with his fingers before he bursts into laughter again. And those are my friends.
Now I’m no six foot model, but 5′2″ is not absurdly short either. In all fairness to Darrell and Montie, I suppose it all comes down to perspective. They aren’t that much taller than me, but they’re a couple of corn-fed farm boys. Well, Darrell is. Montie is just a big guy out of California. To give you a sense of scale, Darrell’s forearm is about as big around as my neck. His bicep is something close to my thigh. The ensuing physical comedy is endless. Some time ago, I got drunk and decided that it was a good idea to wrestle Darrell in my living room. Everyone just laughed at me, but I insisted that I could take Darrell, or at least give him some hell. So we pushed the coffee table out of the way, and I pounced on him. This so-called wrestling match almost immediately devolved into me scrambling around on him like a squirrel on a tree until he could grab me.
Okay, I am reasonably assured that you have a handle on my two most immediately distinguishing characteristics (height and sexuality), so I will leave you for the day. I’m miserably hung over right now and that’s about all I can produce at this point.
